I wake up thirsty from a dream about water. In that dream there was a great water reservoir with people in it. And I was there, and I was laughing. But now there is no time to dive into that imaginary water, so I force myself to get up and stand. It is so dark in this place that sometimes I drive myself crazy that I’ve turned blind. But now I have more troublesome ideas in my mind, so I just maneuver to the water pitcher at the corner, doing my best not to step on my slipping brothers. I drink some water and place the pitcher back to its place. My brothers are all still sleeping, dead tired from the night march back to camp. But I can’t sleep anymore. The water dreams are always followed by burning visions of fire, so I must get out and shake them away. I walk through the narrow tunnel feeling my way with my hands. Slowly my eyes begin to see shapes and contours. The cold transform into warmth and suddenly I’m standing at the mouth of the cave attacked by deadly rays of light. It’s the middle of the day, and I struggle to stand its heat. Our cave is at the eastern side of the mountain, so it’s always painful to go outside during the day. I climb up the steep slope toward the large cave. When morning came and we’ve just reached camp the council sat for a long session. I claimed it would only be wise that I will lay my report in front of the elders, but Ezriel didn’t see it fit and had me report only to him. I told him all that has happened. Surprisingly he didn’t seem to care, not even when I told him about the empty well and the electronic map device that I hid at the top of the sand tower. He just mumbled that we did good, and thanked me for bringing all my brothers back to safety, though he didn’t placed his hand on my shoulder to show that he meant it. Then he looked to my brothers and told them that we executed the mission as real men. I looked at my brothers and saw that his words sated them. They smiled to each other and were content as if we’d brought back gallons of water. Ezriel turned back and walked to the council. I could read the signs of weariness in his heavy footsteps and I knew that what I’d told him only lay more burden on his shoulders. I thought about the trap. He’s afraid that we would fall strait into it. The Izralys dug a great hole and we’re just standing there on the edge, waiting for the last push to fall inside. These thoughts fill me with terrible anger. The urge for vengeance strikes me at the stomach. The Izralys killed my parents, this I know and remember. The flames. The flyers. The thirst.
Before going to see Ezriel I should Purify at the ritual bath and cleans myself from what Ezriel claims to be a devilish fury, but I know it is divine and only means to show me the right way to salvation. When I reach the bath my heart almost bursts. It’s hot and I’m possessed by thoughts of hatred that only doubles the heart beat. Inside the bath cave it is a whole different atmosphere – though it is still very hot, the coolness of the inner stone sends cooling waves of air. I undress and sit close the stone. Sometimes the stone pours small drops of water, but not today. I read the prayer words that are engraved on the wall, and try to be complete with them. No thoughts, only words of prayer. My head turns empty and my mind rests. I don’t see fire and blood anymore, only the cave’s cracked wall. But then a voice sneaks into my hear. It’s “little mother” speaking from the mechanical device the fat man had inside his ear:
“Wells team five from small mother, do you hear me, over?”
That is a women’s voice. I never heard such voice but still I know it. We don’t have women in camp, living a sacred warrior’s life we are not allowed to come in touch with them. I live in the warriors camp since I was three year old, and I don’t even remember the sight of my own mother. I’ve seen a women only once when I accompanied Ezriel to the camel market. She was standing at the distance and was all covered with white fabrics that the wind attached to her body, empathizing the contour of her womanly features. Ezriel got angry about me staring at her, and on the way back he swore that he will never have me as his companion again. Of course I wasn’t the only boy who had some sneaking peeks at a women. When we boys talked about it, it was clear that some of us even seen more than just that, but Ezriel claimed that something in my gazing eyes was undignified. Once again he Indicated that it must be the Izraly’s boold that is poisoning my soul. That led my thoughts to my parents that left Talbib in order to live in the holy shade of the sect, and paid for it with their lives. They salvaged my soul and brought me to the sons of light, but they were impure and couldn’t save themselves. Ezriel was worried about my chances for real salvation so he decided I should live with the hermit warriors. He never believed I was clean inside. Only I know that my heart and mouth are equal and that I’ll fight to the death to realize the holy Torah. There is no women or earthly temptation that could stray me from this righteous way. Talbib should fall and the land free from the fat bellies giants that hold it. Only then the water will return to quench the dry ground and soak the desolate soil.